What are we so afraid of?

I'm a church crasher. I like to say I'm unorganized about organized religion. I like to visit and explore other people's religions. So, I will randomly attend Catholic services, various Christian churches, Buddhist temples, etc. All pretty streamline stuff so far, but I'd like to extend that out a bit.

Of all the churches I've visited, one particularly stood out. It's the Unitarian Universalist Society of Sacramento (http://www.uuss.org). My friend Steve is on the leadership team and I met him there a few months ago to check it out. I really liked the minister and could really get down with the message he was sharing that day. I went back this past Sunday and was, once again, moved by what he was talking about. The title of the sermon was "Finding the Soul." He talked about how the word soul means different things to different people and also about how we tend to adopt identities that we present to the world. These are usually to protect us in some way and keep us out of trouble.

He also talked about the importance of being present and listening to other people; not always jumping in to offer validation or advice. He spoke of the importance in learning to just listen. Anyway, at one point, he asks us to sit and look into the person's eyes next to us. For two whole minutes. In silence. I happened to be sitting next to a woman I didn't know. I turn to look at her and I can't even begin to tell you how uncomfortable we both were! Do you have any idea how long 2 minutes is??? She and I couldn't just look into each other's eyes for more than a couple of seconds before one or the other of us would stray.

It got me thinking. What are we so afraid of people seeing? What are we afraid of seeing in somebody else? The eyes alone are so full of expression. Pain, joy, suffering, compassion... these emotions show just in our eyes. How strange is that? I mean... they are just part of our anatomy. Having a stranger just stare into my eyes for only a few seconds brought me to tears. Reading by her body language and obvious discomfort, it was bringing up emotions for her, too.

When service was over, I was talking about this to my friend Chandra and I realized that even while talking to her, I couldn't meet her eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. I would find constant reasons to turn my eyes to something else, not to stare too long. But there is something about just being present, not averting eyes, not invading or evading, just listening that is a great gift.

I think its something I'm going to work on. Being present has been my main topic of the last few weeks. This is just yet another example of how to try doing that. Eye contact. :)